I feel like I'm growing up a little more

I'm not sure what I've got myself into. My life is odd. I think I've always known that. Nothing has ever come easy, and I've never let that stop me, telling myself it makes it more rewarding. I hope that's true.

Moving to Nebraska by myself has been a good thing. I've been meeting new people and learning lots of things about myself and the world. I am fully capable of living on my own. Paying my bills, cooking for myself, doing my own shopping, remembering other people and their important days. I also know I can't survive without having other people to support me. It's like in About a Boy (you know my only dvd) they start out saying a man is an island. Yeah freaken right. What the hell would be the point if you didnt need anyone else? Or if other people didnt need you. I'm doing things at work now on my own, so I am needed to come through with results....lots of money is on the line. I need people to help me find tools to get everything done. I am always needed outside of work, people (including family) call and ask for advice. Now I know they can get advice from other people, but they value my opinion enough to actually call. And I need other people, not just for advice, for sanity. I think I am realizing that family is important. Ive always known family was important on some level, but really did I fully believe that? Probably not, I've always taken family for granted and as something that caused a lot of grief in my life. But without all the weirdness and bad things I know I wouldnt be where I am right now. and honestly I like this place. I like my job as much as it scares me that there is so much more to learn and the thought that I might not ever measure up...but I'll always try hard so I think I will measure up. I like Omaha. I have met people and will continue to try to meet more people. It's just a slow process, but then again life is a slow process. It took 22 years for me to not be dependent on my family financially at all.

I think the thing that brought up this rambling is my boyfriend in Germany. Oh so weird to actually call him my boyfriend again. For months weve been denying it. Saying we'd love to date but it just did make sense, how can you possibly date someone you won't see for 2 years? Well we eventually decided to go for it. Weve already spent the majority of the 4 and a half years weve known eachother apart yet weve always had that connection. I mean B.J. was jealous of Nik I always said he had nothing to worry about, Nik was so far away and I never saw him. But the truth is I always had feelings for him and I never stopped thinking about him. So now Nik is in the Army. And he was given a chance to volunteer to go to Iraq. At first he volunteered, it's $200 a month more and Iraq doesnt scare him. But then he turned it down, the job would just be a guard job. Which is not at all what he wants to do, as he says he'd be bored for that year. I think that takes a lot of maturity, to turn down all that money when you really arent worried about the danger just because you would be bored and would rather do your job. I'm proud of Nik. I really am. He's in a place where he really has to make adult decisions. I think he's doing a good job at it. Now I just hope these two years will go by quickly and maybe I'll get to go visit. I've always wanted to travel abroad.

This long rambly post is over. I hope I made maybe a little sense for those of you that actually read the whole thing. Oh and happy birthay a day late to Kate and Becky......I talked to both of them but hey, I can mention it in my blog as well. I almost started playing clue over the phone with Kate and company but yeah I dont think that's quite possible. I think I might actually take a weekend roadtrip sometime. Anyone wanna host me? Ok I'm done now for real.